There comes a time in every man’s life when his kiddos start asking questions—not about babies or what’s happening in their pants, but how far away Orlando is. From the moment your brood discovers there’s a place they can meet basically every star of every movie they’ve ever watched, it’s settled. You’ll be Disneying.
Even if you’re just going with your Lilo and Stitch-obsessed romantic partner or extremely enthusiastic nephew, Walt Disney World feels more like an inevitable obligation than a getaway. But now, thank god, you can pull off the ultimate macho retreat while doing double-duty as Man Of The Year. Say hello to Copper Creek Cabins, your rustic and non-princessy theme park respite that feels like an Airbnb in the Rockies with Mickey Mouse as the host—if only his fat gloved fingers could work an iPhone.
With live edge wood slab counters, an indoor-outdoor automatic fireplace and cathedral ceilings featuring exposed wood beams, the two-bedroom standalone cabins are nothing short of an HGTV marathon come to life. A family-friendly mix between Pendleton hipster retreat and high-end hoteliery means you can kick it in a massive freestanding bathtub, even if you’ll only use it to scrub glitter out of a small child’s hair after visiting Cinderella’s princess makeover salon. Those built-in leather headboards, swanky stone detailing and oversized waterfall showers will almost have you forget you’re in a place where every hotel is overtly themed, even this one.
The sleek retreats line the lakefront of Disney’s Wilderness Lodge, a make-believe Pacific Northwest chalet channeling national park reverie and Yosemite fantasies by way of hearthside rocking chairs, hourly geyser eruptions and a six-story lobby serving Lincoln Log realness. You can sip a manhattan by a waterfall without putting on hiking boots once—it’s every dude’s dream getaway, despite the stroller-pushing and slow-paced boat rides.
Still, there’s weirdly plenty for dads to enjoy at Disney’s parks—a robust booze selection! meeting Chewbacca! the upside-down Aerosmith-themed roller coaster!—but when you’re sweating through your clothes from Floridian humidity wondering if procreation is your biggest regret, every hardwood inch of that cabin will permeate your air conditioned dreams. It’s rugged luxury in a glimmering feminine world of princesses and fairy dust, a haven from the chaos and oppressive planning Walt Disney World necessitates, giving you control over your vacation, life and destiny for as long as you’re on Mickey’s home turf.
So here’s the plan: Set up grocery delivery for a week of culinary bliss amidst theme park mania—cabins have fully outfitted kitchens with shared grills nearby—and if you forget the sauce, grab a fifth of Patron, a couple of Fat Tires or, seriously, a jug of moonshine from the hotel gift shop doubling as bodega. Wake up early to brew a pot of coffee and sit shirtless on the screened-in patio or watch the Seahawks defense on the newfangled in-mirror TV while slathering your body in SPF 50. There’s even a private hot tub, a far cry from the all-ages human soup Disney’s poolside jacuzzis descend into. Boiling bowls of water sound tyrannical in Central Florida’s heat, but when every bone in your body is on fire from inadvertently slow-marching a half-marathon while drinking around the world at Epcot, you’ll be overjoyed to return home to a dunk tank filled with water jets you can press your exhausted muscles against in hopes of being able to physically bend your legs again come sunrise.
Disney’s fresh new cabins cost a pretty penny—pricing starts at $1835 per night—but if this place is all about make-believe, where better is there to enjoy a rare sliver of serenity than within a manufactured woodsy wonderland?