The original Jungle Cruise was a day one attraction at Disneyland when the park opened in 1955, and ever since it’s been one of the more popular rides in the park. There are now five different versions of the Jungle Cruise at different Disney parks around the world.
Originally, the Jungle Cruise was designed to be a vaguely educational sort of attraction, with guests learning about the different major rivers of the world and the animals that inhabit them. However, since the early 1960s, the attraction has evolved, and today it’s much better known for the jokes spouted by the various skippers.
With the new Jungle Cruise movie set to debut next summer, it was almost guaranteed that some of those jungle cruse jokes will be immortalized in film. That was confirmed with the release of the first trailer, as Dwayne Johnson dropped the one joke that no Jungle Cruise skipper worth their hat would ever forget, “the backside of water.”
Dwayne Johnson’s character looks to have a bit more in common with your average Jungle Cruise skipper than we might have guessed, and while hopefully, the movie doesn’t take 12 minutes of screen time for a full run-through of the attraction, as fans of the Jungle Cruise’s fantastically awful jokes, here’s hoping a few more will make it into the movie. Here are a few more Jungle Cruise classics we hope to hear when we board the Amazon Belle next year.
Those who have not been on the Jungle Cruise often may not realize that many of the animatronic animals actually have names. One of the Nile crocodiles is a lovely little thing named Ginger, but don’t get too close, as your skipper will tell you.
In the water right there is Ginger. Careful though, Ginger snaps. She’s one tough cookie. I know, I know…it’s a ‘crumby’ joke, but I milk it for all I can
This joke goes a bit too heavy into the puns, so unless the movie as a whole is full of them, I doubt we’ll get the entire joke in the movie. We probably shouldn’t. Still, a crocodile named Ginger would be funny enough by itself as it’s something that fans would certainly get.
One of the more popular characters on the Jungle Cruise is Trader Sam. He even has his own bar at the Disneyland Hotel. He’s a headhunter, though, not the sort that tries to find you a better job.
Here’s Trader Sam. He’s our head salesman in the jungle. He’s got a pretty good deal for you guys today…two of his heads for just one of yours. Either way you slice it, you’ll always come out ahead. That’s a killer deal.
We’ve seen something of native characters, or possibly fake native characters, in the trailer for Jungle Cruise. I’d put money down right now that the one in charge is named Sam.
The jungle is a dangerous place to be sure, but Disneyland is a family-friendly place that’s supposed to be suitable for all ages. There are a few times when these two ideas can run into conflict with each other. One is when a pride of lions is discovered having their lunch in the middle of the Jungle Cruise. The skipper’s job is to joke this sequence off to make it feel a bit less gruesome.
Don’t worry kids! That zebra is just sleeping. Those lions are his friends! The Lions are protecting the sleeping zebra.
There’s at least one kid in the Jungle Cruise trailer that has gone on Dwayne Johnson’s chartered adventure based on the trailer, so an interaction like this could be pretty funny. Though the kid in question doesn’t look like she’d be shaken by watching lions eat a zebra.
While the animatronic animals are certainly designed to be the focus of the entertainment on board the Jungle Cruise, there’s still a lot more to be seen. There’s some pretty interesting plant life on display as well, which your skipper will be happy to show you.
I’d like to point out some of my favorite plants here in the jungle.
He’s happy to show you, but he won’t tell you about them. The follow-up to this line is usually the skipper pointing at random plants without saying a word. Not all the Jungle Cruise jokes are groan-inducing puns. To be clear, they’re all groan-inducing, they’re just not all puns.
Lions aren’t the only dangerous cats you’ll find on the Jungle Cruise. Tigers are also on the prowl, and the one you’ll find on the attraction looks like he’s about ready to have the boat full of guests for lunch. The good news, according to the skipper, is that everybody is perfectly safe.
That’s no house cat over there. Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet, and we must be at least, well… 19 feet away! Don’t worry, he’ll jump right over us
If Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt find themselves face-to-face with a Bengal Tiger at some point, one can certainly imagine an exchange like this taking place.
The classic “backside of water” joke comes in the latter portion of the attraction as the boat goes behind a waterfall that the guests traveled by earlier in the ride. When going by the front of the waterfall there’s an equally classic joke, even if it is a pretty terrible one.
And now, we’re approaching the beautiful Schweitzer Falls, named after that famous African explorer, Dr. Albert Falls.
Here’s hoping that Dr. Albert Falls is a character who at least gets a passing reference in Jungle Cruise. The man discovered a waterfall, so he deserves some credit.
My Name Is…
Some of the best Jungle Cruise jokes are saved for last. There are too many for a single skipper to fit in most of the time, so you’ll likely need to ride multiple times to get all the good ones. Still, you can imagine Dwayne Johnson’s character delivering something like this to his guests at the end of their ride…
If you enjoyed yourself, my name is [name] and this has been the world famous Jungle Cruise. If you didn’t, then my name is Kevin and this has been [another attraction].
Since The Rock’s Jungle Cruise isn’t taking place in a theme park, this one would require some reworking to get a line like this to fit, but I’m sure it can be done.
Watch Your Mouth
Since the Jungle Cruise is a real boat ride, entering and exiting can be a little tricky. The possibility of actually falling in the water is a real concern. At the same time, while watching your feet, you also want to watch your head.
Please watch your head when you leave the boat, and if you can’t watch your head, then watch your mouth.
Disneyland and Walt Disney World are family locations of course, and so nobody wants an errant expletive to come out of anybody’s mouth if they hit their head. At the same time, Jungle Cruise will likely be rated PG-13, so there isn’t a lot of room for foul language there either.
And once it’s time for everybody to disembark, seriously, just get the hell out.
Now get out! I’m sorry, that was rude. Please get out.
Many of these jokes could certainly be delivered during the actual Jungle Cruise that we see in the trailers, but some could be dropped in as easter eggs for fans of the classic attraction to enjoy. Similar things were done with the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, so you can be almost certain that the real-life attraction will make its way into the fictional movie in a number of different ways.
Sid Philips is a father of two and a loving husband. He currently resides in Pennsylvania and has been a fan of Disney since his parents took him there in 1980! Sid has visited multiple Disney parks around the world and loves each one!
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